UH+OH

Ok my diet hasNOT been good this week or last week either. I have been ''grazing'' which they warn us about in all the support groups and pre surgical meetings.. And i got on the scale this morning and GASP I have gained one pound and 3 ounces-- yes I knwo it could be water weight because I am constipated and bloated - but as anyone else who has struggled with weight issues will know I am so disappointed in myself- todays plan is to get back on track and stay there. Yesterday at the grocery store I did not buy anything that would be an easy quick grab snack , I have decided to try and use the things here that I have and save some money- plus if I have to get up in the middle of the night for a snack, I have very few choices - a spoon of peanut butter - because the other options are more complicated , and in the middle of the night I want a quick and easy snack . I think that was a wise choice . I was up last night searching through the cabinets and grabbed a few swallows of cold water and back to bed. Felt much better about that decision this morning.  I am making Aiden Jello with fruit today for his snacks and I will put some in a small bowl that I can eat.

good week

Last week was a good week, I did very good on portion control and worked hard on adding healthy alternatives to as many recipes as i could. My latest obsession is flaxseed meal,which is reported to have as much lignans as 30 cups of broccoli in just 2 tablespoons ...
 I wanted to add some strength training exercises but I am still not feeling too great since the miscarriage and still having some tiredness from all the blood loss

138

Almost a month since I updated this - but I have had some major issues this month !!! Good news though I have made it 138-- my goal is 130 and I am almost there---it has been a struggle though. Definitely not easy !! I have had days when I just want to eat and eat with no regard to how sick it will make me. But I am learning new ways to cope with that head hunger. I have started a hobby of coloring -- I bought myself some really nice color pencils and ordered some coloring books that are geared for adults--so when I feel like eating I color.. I have some crossword and search and find books as well and they help keep me occupied. This week I hope to get back to an exercise routine .
 The first week of February , we found out I was pregnant by total surprise --then 4 days later the Dr told me I was miscarrying. I kind of had a feeling when I found out that it wasn't normal , I thought maybe it was my subconscious protecting me, but I guess my body just knew- I saw the heartbeat on the ultrasound screen and wanted to cry but I just knew --can't explain the feeling I had.. I thought I could handle the loss when the inevitable started, but WOW it brought me to my knees and knocked the breath out of me --I tried so hard to be strong - but I couldn't !!!!!!!!!
  Now I am thinking that the weight loss , really helped my fertility and PCOS issues, because I have never conceived on my own without fertility meds - and I am not sure if I wanted to know that I was pregnant, because now of course I have the will this happen again or was this a one time thing and never gonna happen again !!! Sometimes mother nature can be cruel -- Guess I will focus on the positive and try to be healthy and hope for the best.