Beach Trip

Hubby surprised me with a trip to the beach for the memorial holiday weekend ...so very sweet of him to do that. Wilmington NC and Pleasure Island have become my favorite home away from home. But to be totally honest this weekend I wasn't that in awe about the place, not sure why-- just really exhausted and tired. Didn't fell good about myself because I have been gaining weight and it is 100% my own fault, I am the one who chooses what I put in my body and the one who doesn't do any exercise..I am the statistic that assumed this was the magic fix and thought I wouldn't have to put any effort into it . Now I am wishing that I'd had the gastric bypass instead of the sleeve !! I have a cousin who had the bypass recently and she's lost a lot mor weight than I have and it's only been a few months -- so I am feeling really bad about myself ...

Anemia

Well apparently I am now anemic, and I am wondering I HOW--I eat plenty as is obvious my my recent weight issues.. so how can I be anemic--this haseally got me concerned . Will find out what the doctors next move will be . He has already given me a prescription iron pill and it is still going down instead of up , so I don't know what he will want to do . I know that I am going to do some online research and see which food combinations are the most effective for iron levels.


And now I am all the way up to 158 --that is almost 20 pound weight gain --I KNEW I would be part of the statistic that fails - I seem to fail t everything else and it's completely my own fault. I didn;t follow the diet restrictions and guidelines I just had this thought in my head that yep I can have that soda and that chocolate bar-- it's not gonna matter cause I had the sleeve--well let my failure be a warning to you IT DOES MATTER-- and if you are looking at this option Please, I beg of you follow the rules, and utilize the support group -- I don't do those things...and I am afraid to go to the support group meeting now because I don't want people to see me as a failure and think that I wasted a great opportunity to stay healthy and so many other people want this opportunity and can't get it for whatever reason . I knoe logically that the support group is exactly where I need to be -- I know that people won't judge me but I can't get the disapproving look fear out of my mind- so it prevents me from going to one

forgettin

Almost a whole year since I have posted anything at all....I can only say that I have just been to darn laxy to get up and the get the laptop and type.
  Well I have to sadly report that I am one of the statistics...I went from 144 to 156 and I ca not get below 150 . So yeah I am the one who didn't listen to the dietary guidelines and drank soda and even ate candy !and now every morning I get on the scale and then feel like such a failure. My mother even said I didn't deserve the surgery because I didn't truly appreciate it -- She has never been a maternal type of mother to me anyway, but I hold on to the hope that one day she will come around and I treat her as well as I possibly can because it's the right thing to do and I want to teach my children how to treat people ........
Anyway back to the weight gain. I feel very ashamed of what I did. I am starting today and eat much better--and yes I have sad that a million times, but I mean it for sure this time,
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

failure

Well I feel like a total failure right now. I have GAINED weight-- yep it is slowing creeping back up to 150  I weigh 147 ..... I am so ashamed of yself for wasting the opportunity to learn better nutritional skills. It is all 100% my fault and it is from my crappy eating habits and lack of exercise. It is so true when they tell you that this surgery isn't a magical answer and that it still takes effort and work. I eat something that I  know isn't healthy and think ah what the heck I am not gonna gain weight , but oh boy was I wrong. I am positive that my stomach is now stretched out and before long I will be back up to 200 lbs with a sleeve pouch !!!

Fail

What a failure today's diet was-- I ate powdered sugar donuts ??? Yes seriously ---I realize that there are so many people who would never abuse the chance to have this surgery the way I have, and it makes me feel like a horrible person. I tried to use a juicer and it's just not going to be my thing , I thought it would help me get more fruits and veggies, but I think it is just to much of a hassle to prepare and clean up . I need to stop eating the crappy way that I do and start working on the protein and veggie intake.
  I had to have about 3 inches of my hair cut off today, thanks to the nutrients that I haven't been giving my hair it looks like a mess of straw,, it really does. If I had any regrets about he surgery this would be the only one, My hair just looks so unhealthy and I use salon shampoos and try to take hair vitamins. It has just begun to grow and the process isn't that much fun. I am using some shampoo form and indian grocery store that is stopping the hair fall in the shower and I feel like it is why I have the new growth

Still on plateau

So here I am still not losing and it is all my fault.... I haven't changed my eating habits and in fact they have gotten worse , and are pretty much the same as before the surgery .YEAH I think I am going to be the statistical % THAT IT DOESN'T WORK FOR . I drink soda eat junk food and carbs like I was never an overweight person. The only difference is I space t out because my stomach can't hole as much as it once could --So many people can't have this surgery and would never abuse the chance and look at my ungrateful ways.. feeling like a total failure today . I step on the scale and get sad and mad at myself and do nothing to change it. --SO if you are reading this please take the counseling session seriously and tell the truth, because I truly feel that I needed more counseling or on going counseling afterwards -to address the emotional eating and willpower when it comes to food.  I do know that I put on a cute outfit and it feels so good to wear those outfits that in that moment I want to eat healthy and lose more weight - but when I am in the moment and see the chocolate or donuts I can't stop myself from buying them

SO I am comletely stalled at 140 --- I go back and forth between 136 and 140 and have forthe past month- I am positive that my eating habits are the main reason why it has stalled . I know I can do better and yes I have eaten chocolate and drank soda more often than I should, I am changing that today and will not buy another soda to have in the house . I will only allow myself that as a treat occassionally. I have also not been buying snack foods, however when my husband went to the store the other day to pick up my medication after my D & C procedure he brought home a teddy bear and tow very big hershey bars !!! I wonder if he is just being sweet or if he is trying to sabotage my efforts ? I know that I don't have to eat them just because he brings them . My willpower isn't that strong though . I am working on that
 I did buy chia seeds to try and some natural penaut butter from earth fare , I really like the peanut butter with pretzels and it is much better for me that the jar brands are. Plus it has more protein and less hydrogenated fats. The chia seeds I mixed in my scrambled eggs and had them for breakfast, I honestly felt full after just a few bites and didn't eat that much for the rest of the day. Gonna try these again today in a bowl of organice flax cereal and see if i get the same filling benefits as I did yesterday, Plus they have lots of healthy nutrients too . Gonna work on this new eating for life plan one day at a time !